Have you ever experienced a sadness so profound it caused you actual physical pain? I have, only about a handful of times. I have become pretty efficient at navigating my emotional being intellectually rather than truthfully feeling. Not exactly an accomplishment that I am proud of. That was up until about 24 hours ago, after a weekend away that broke me open and caused a catastrophic amount of healing to take place. The type of healing that allows you to radiate and vibrate at a higher frequency. A shift that is noticeably visible.
With that rise, comes the fall.
When you're walking around a bit more open and receptive than you're accustomed means you're going to ride the low just as hard and as fast as you've ridden the high. The grief, despair, and sorrow feels insurmountable. Coupled with the exhaustion that comes with simply allowing yourself to feel these intense emotions. Nobody considers the fall.
I have an 8th House Chiron, so I am no stranger to dark, deep, brooding and intense feelings. The darker they are, the more attractive they become. A haunted ethereal playground. It becomes a completely different experience when they're allowed to sit a bit closer. Held a bit tighter. Supported a bit longer. Caressed and cared for. Integrated instead of hidden. It's overwhelming when you've successfully avoided the magnitude of the feeling for decades.
Yet Chiron is how you heal.
Plummeting through the darkness, my existence lighting the way.
This is the way.
Healing takes many forms. Like an expansive blackness, or a spider. Elegant, soft, and stealthy. Silently stalking you from a distance, and when you least expect it, sinks its fangs deep into your flesh, its venom flowing feverishly through your blood stream.
Before you're even aware, you've transformed.
A familiar feeling, only until you forget again. Until we meet again.