Friendships are complicated. Now this is simply my observation, some might find that forming and maintaining friendships comes naturally and effortlessly. Not me. Friendship does, and always has terrified me. I've destroyed friendships before they've even had an opportunity to fully blossom. Holding space long enough for them to get what they need, even when they aren't even consciously aware of what they needed, and leaving without a trace. Elusive, like the wind. Or a ghost. A means of self preservation I suppose.
I have Pluto resting comfortably (or, rather, uncomfortably if you asked me) in my 11th house. Pluto is a destructive force. It is power and control and change and an intense depth that you can't really prepare for. The 11th house rules our social groups. Where we fit into society. Social awareness. Our morality. Friendship falls here.
Pluto's psychic abilities have given me a frightening insight into people. I can see their energy, their motives, their fears and their desires. This is beautiful information to be able to connect beyond the surface, however the intimacy is equally intimidating. Sharing your shadow leaves you vulnerable. Vulnerability requires trust.
I guess this is where I've always struggled.
I can see your shadow and I love you anyway.
If you see mine, will you love me?
It's been a work in progress accepting all the facets of me that make me, well, me. I've also worked equally as hard to conceal that shadow so that it is never visible to others. It is exhausting. It's why forming and maintaining friendships has been borderline impossible.
I've protected the secrecy of my shadow at all costs.
It is mine, and mine alone.
While that is truth, I've been living my life in my relations with others as half of a person.
Through my exploration, study, and experience I've realized that my Pluto powers could also benefit the collective. To bare my soul and invite others to see how important it is to allow your light and your shadow to dance intimately is transformative. You don't have to repress one to give the other space. They can coexist simultaneously. It is possible to live in harmony with your shadow. I am living proof.
Acceptance is half of the work.
Practice is the next step.
To close out my 7th house profection year I am willing to share my shadow, even if the odds are stacked against me. Even when I want to look for an exit. Even if the outcome of the exchange is tragic. Because what if the connection turns out to be magic?